Psalm 37

"Trust in the Lord and do good;

            dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

Delight yourself in the Lord

            and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord;

            trust in him and he will do this:

He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,

            the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him;…"

                        Psalms 37:3-7

            I believe that if we all lived according to this psalm we would live to our fullest potential as followers of Jesus Christ. I want you, Reader, to take a few minutes with me and examine these five verses. Allow these concepts to drip into your mind. Do nothing as they begin to flood your entire heart space. I promise, the outcome is fruitful. Meditate on these words and ask God to invade. (However, before you do… take this as my warning… whenever you ask the Holy Spirit to speak to you or to invade your heart, He will come in His entirety; it may hurt… it may burn. Let his fire consume you and let His water nurture you.)

            I want to compartmentalize these verses into three big ideas: Our part, God's part, and the outcome. When we do things in communion with God, there are always historic results. When we live in step with the Father, according to His pace, we become the essence of His plan. As I was reading through this psalm last month, I became entranced by the inner workings of God's idea. Again, the simplicity of the Believer's life was vividly expressed to me. If you've read my blog for more than a few months, you'll notice that I repeat the same idea a lot: Living a life next to God is simple. His commands are not hard to understand. His pace is not hard to comprehend. His plan is not difficult to imagine. Working it out may be tough, but ultimately, God does not ask us to do impossible things. God does not ask us to do the things that He Himself will do. So, lets look at this psalm together and allow it to sweep us into a lifestyle. May this be more than a blog entry. May this be more than a good idea. Let it prompt you to action. Otherwise, don't read it. If you don't plan on making this a lifestyle, then you might as well be checking your email or roaming around on Facebook.

Our Part

           

            David wrote within these five lines seven commanding verbs:

                        *Trust in the Lord

                        *Do good

                        *Dwell in the land

                        *Enjoy safe pasture (or more literally "eat of the Lord's faithfulness")

                        *Delight yourself in the Lord

                        *Commit your ways to Him

                        *Be still before the Lord and wait

These suggestions are not new to us. These are all big ideas that Jesus himself communicated generations later. These seven concepts are repeated over and over and over again throughout the Bible. Our trust in the Lord sums up the entire Bible and fulfills our purpose in God's plan. Through the Holy Spirit's prompting and through His power, we "work out" these seven commands. These are things we do. Basically, our doing is not doing. Our part is to not have a part, but to allow God to father.

           

God's Part

            God's part is to orchestrate the mundane, the impossible and everything in between. Here in Psalm 37, David wrote out (right alongside our part) what God does, has done, and will continue to do. Check it out:

            When we…

… trust in Him, do good, and dwell with Him… God provides safety and sustenance in His faithfulness.

… delight ourselves in Him… God gives us the desires of our hearts. Our hearts become like His, and, therefore, our delight becomes his delight and our desires become His desires. He gives us what is His.

… commit our way to Him and trust Him… God will make your righteousness and justice reach to the ends of the earth.

… are patiently still before Him… God will act.

When our role, our part, and our efforts are boiled down to their final atom, they are simply a response to God's action. What, then, is a cause for worry? Whom should we fear?

The Outcome

            When we live lives that are with God, we are conquerors. What stops the hand of God? There is no limit to what He can do in you. There is no final sin that casts us too far from His mighty grip. There is no amount of time that can separate the Father from His children. There are no vows that are stronger than that of a Groom's. So, when we combine our efforts to release our efforts with God's promises is when we experience the fullness of Christ's payment. Enjoy the fact that is stated in verses 5 and 6: "… he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun." Then, David tells us to wait for God to act in verse 7. So, let go.  Don't worry about "reaching enough people" or "being a good enough example" or "saving enough souls." That's not your role. Remember… HE will do this. He WILL do this. As long as you trust in Him and commit your way to Him, He does all the work. You are simply His still and patient conduit.

            So… I implore you, Dear Reader, to begin to exhaust yourself in your pursuit of these seven commands and to allow God to meet you there and to "make all things new." He is so excited to see you!

           

           

           

If I AM, You Are

            This is not an assault on the Church. This is not a Bellian approach to reform the Church. I am not writing to tear down the institution. We have heard enough about how the Church at large has failed and how the flood of "Moralistic Therapeutic Deism" has drenched the carpets of our churches. Enough is enough. Okay. The modern Church has missed the point. Got it. Enough whining. Among the last things God needs is a bunch of whimpering, pharisaical freaks who refuse to stand with His authority. So, no, I'm not bashing the Church here. Instead, I'd like to explain the simplicity of the Christian life. If we understand the simplicity of who we are personally then we will have no choice but to paint it, to proclaim it, to cultivate it, to promote it, to spread it, to sing it. It'll simply fall out of us.

            The change starts personally before it wets the entire playing field.

            Last week I was at church and found myself utterly distracted during the worship set. I couldn't focus my thoughts. I closed my eyes and asked God to "distract me from my distractions." The very asking became my distraction. Before I knew it, I was analyzing the snare tone, thinking about an upcoming trip, wondering about what I was going to eat for dinner, planning a drum lesson, and poking at deep (though peripheral) theological issues. For whatever reason, I was jolted out of my strangely hypnotic "prayer." I opened my eyes. It was a new beginning. I again asked God to take over. Knowing that it is counterintuitive to ask God to make me pray an earnest prayer, I began to simply worship Him. I began to tell Him who He is. God, you are the Redeemer. You are Lord. You are the King. You are the Creator. You are Love. You are all knowing, all loving, all encompassing. My prayer went on and on with simple declarations as I told God what He tries to tell me all the time. Eventually, my prayer ended. I sat in silence. I felt like it was time to listen. What is it you want to say to me, Father?

            I heard Him say in a clear, uninhibited whisper, "My turn. Let me tell you who you are…" Just feeling His voice was enough to shake me up. I had to sit down. Check this out, Reader. I'm not making this up. The way He decided to romance me was beautifully unique. His words consumed and stung like fire but replenished and lingered like water.

            He whispered, "If I am the Redeemer… you are redeemed. If I am Lord… then you are a serf. If I am the King… you are my servant. If I am the Creator… you are my creation. If I am Love… you are beloved. If I am all knowing, all loving, all encompassing… then you are safe and secure in my love." He didn't stop there! "If I am the Builder… you are my temple. If I am the head… you are the hands. If you are the Bride… I am the Groom. If I am the Savior… then you are saved. If I sanctify… you are sanctified. If I am Life… then you live abundantly." He went on and on almost simultaneously. I couldn't keep up.

            My point is simply this: If we know who God is, we know who we are. Period. That is ALL we need to know. Everything else falls into place. After we understand God's definition for us, all the questions… all the questions about how the Church should operate, what songs we should sing during worship, if we should elect a Christian president, how we should treat a fallen pastor, whether speaking in tongues is appropriate, how we ought to pray, or how we should conduct meetings… seem to look an awful lot like heresy.

            How do we answer life's questions? Who sends us out to be the Church? "Moses said to God, 'Suppose I go to the Israelites and say to them, 'The God of you fathers has sent me to you,' and they ask me, 'What is his name?' Then what shall I tell them?' God said to Moses, 'I AM.' This is what you are to say to the Israelites: 'I AM has sent me to you.'" (Exodus 3:13-14). So, why does God refer to Himself as "I AM"? Because if He is, then we are. His life is our life. He brings is-ness where there is nothingness (1 Corinthians 1:28).

            What made God's revelation to me so brilliant was all in the way in which He chose to phrase it. He didn't simply tell me who I was. He told me who I was in relation to Himself. His phrasing implied action. In other words, He didn't say, "I am Love so you are beloved." Instead He said, "IF I am Love… then you are beloved." The operative word there is IF! It was as if He was asking me what I believe. "Who do you say I am?"

            So, I'm asking you, Reader. What do you believe? Do you call yourself a Believer? Do you believe that God is all loving and is omniscient as well as omnipotent? God defines us. I dare you to believe that! Watch what happens when you truly believe who God is and what He says about you. It changes everything. It ironically simplifies everything.

            If thousands upon thousands of us take on God's definition for us, the Church will no longer be probed by seething "atheistic Christians."

           

           

           

            

Luke 14, Part II: Discipleship

"Hence today I believe that I am acting in accordance with the will of the Almighty Creator… I am fighting for the work of the Lord."

            -Adolf Hitler, Mein Kampf

Unbelief As Idolatry

            Needless to say, humankind has always come up with our own analysis of what God's will is. Obviously, Hitler was completely insane and all we can draw from the above statement is that he was utterly debased as he knew nothing of the true God. He wasn't alone, though. Since Adam and Eve, mankind has tried to hypothesize and theorize who God is and what He wills. Even today (or should I say especially today) we formulate our own personal philosophy of what the "work of the Lord" really entails. What does it mean to be God's disciple? The ironic thing about this "mystery" is that we don't have to guess. It's not as esoteric as we make it out to be. God's will is written out plainly in the sixth chapter of John's gospel account (apparently, Hitler missed that):

            *"The Work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent." (v. 29)

*"For my Father's will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life and I will raise him up at the last day." (v. 40)

Something, then, has clearly gone wrong. The gears and pinions of this world are misshapen and rickety to say the least. The world has bastardized God's design with futile, erratic mechanizations that differ greatly from His work. Why, if God's will is clearly spelled out for us, are history books full of bloody crusades, religious intolerance, slavery, genocide… hate, deconstruction, and war? What happened?

            Well… in a word… unbelief happened. An unbelief in God means that only one umbrella sin has occurred: idolatry.

            The world has fashioned it's own definition of the words of God. That is, we've  made other things by which we live, worship, and obey. The culmination of which constitutes idolatry.

For instance:

Hate. The world says that we should hate those who hate us; we should hate those who wrong us. The world says that we should hate immorality, injustice, weakness, and narrow-mindedness. We should hate sinners.

Deconstruction. The world believes in the destruction of monotheism, of monogamous and unconditional marriage between a man and a woman. The world believes destruction should be used to rid our world of something; it should be part of a cleansing process. In the physical sense, destruction is a form of construction; it makes an opening. (For that reason, I've referred to it as deconstruction.) 

War. This world has seen war as a necessary means to settle arguments. War is declared as a means of progress, nationalistic pride, stability and sustenance. The world believes that war is an evolutionary process that siphons out the weak from the strong.

            These three words (hate, deconstruction, and war) were building blocks in Hitler's speech. He built an army. He adopted disciples. He created a fellowship, a dynasty, a family off of words like these. Hitler's motivation was derived from a beastly interpretation of the true definition and application of hate, deconstruction, and war. All of which he idolized as the "work of the Lord."

Original Definition

In front of a large crowd Jesus turned around to them to describe what being his disciple was all about. In Luke 14, Jesus describes the beauty of a life spent with him in an inverted form. He explains self denial, but then he uses two examples that are unique to Luke's account. He warns of the cost of discipleship. It says (with my emphasis added):

25Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said: 26"If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple. 27And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.

28"Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Will he not first sit down and estimate the cost to see if he has enough money to complete it? 29For if he lays the foundation and is not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule him, 30saying, 'This fellow began to build and was not able to finish.'

31"Or suppose a king is about to go to war against another king. Will he not first sit down and consider whether he is able with ten thousand men to oppose the one coming against him with twenty thousand? 32If he is not able, he will send a delegation while the other is still a long way off and will ask for terms of peace. 33In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple.

Let me get this straight. Jesus spoke of hate, deconstruction (the cost and labor of building) and war, too. Jesus has disciples. He also created a family.

So… what's the difference between a disciple of Jesus and a disciple of Fuhrer Adolf? (I'm only using Hitler to represent the world because it is an extreme example. Replace his name with any more relevant name you wish to use. In any case, the unbelieving world has a completely different and, in some cases, opposite set of definitions.)

Though there are many, many, many obvious differences, I'd like to point out one significant difference: Definition. It doesn't take long for a new believer to discover that God gives us true definition. This is one of the most profoundly intimate acts of God. Do you see, Reader? Like a Bridegroom to his Bride, He gives us a new name… or should I say… He reminds us of our original name.

Instead of Sinner, I am now called Son,

Instead of Saul of Tarsus, he is now the Apostle Paul,

Instead of Simon, he is now The Rock,

Instead of ashes, I have beauty,

Instead of mourning, I have the oil of gladness,

Instead of asking why, I can now worship,

Instead of being crippled, I can now walk

Instead of being blind, I can now see

Instead of fearing death, I can live life abundantly.

Humanity's common beliefs about who we are and what it means to be a disciple are, for the most part, misinterpretations. They are at best skewed versions of God's intentions. We were not given what the world offers us; we were given God's gifts (Rom.8:15, 1 Cor.1:12).

            When Jesus spoke of hate, deconstruction, and war, he meant them in a completely different, other-worldly context.

Hate: God says that we should "hate" (or love less) everyone around us so that we may love him more. We must hate the sin, not the sinner. Hate what is evil and cling to what is good (Romans 12:9). Hate is designated by God for the contempt of the flesh. This is a word that should never apply to other humans, but only to the dark, lustful nature of mankind.

Deconstruction: When God speaks of deconstruction, He is referring to the clearing out, the sanctification (the set-apart-ness) of our hearts. In order for us to live, something must die; in order for construction to take place, there must first be some form of deconstruction. Therefore, count the cost. There will be a cost to serve our God. But what a glorious home He will build in place of our tattered hearts. The stability of His foundation will far outweigh the cost.

War: "For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not of the world…" (see 2 Corinthians 10:3-5). When God mentions war, it is aimed at the things which are not seen. Our father fights for us on our behalf! Oooh… don't you see? He loves us! "With justice he judges and makes war" (Revelation 19:11). We must have a belligerent, warlike abhorrence for sin. As Paul says, we do not fight against flesh and blood, but the principalities of the unseen spirit (Eph. 6:12). Therefore, we shouldn't compromise, strategize or "ask for terms of peace." No, we need to fight. Jesus told us plainly that he "did not come to bring peace, but a sword" (see Matthew 10:34-38). God has already won the war, anyway! Passivity is reserved for the unbelievers who live by the old, illusory and dead-end definitions slathered on them by the world.

By whose definitions will you choose to live, Reader? Of whom are you a disciple? Do you follow Truth or liars?

Jesus said that the will of God is that we believe. If we believe, then we are his disciples. This discipleship resurrects our original meaning and deconstructs the world's confabulations and distortions of God's perfect and pleasing will.  

Luke 14, Part I: The Theology of Negativity

Preface

            When we read the Bible, we have to take extra caution when we reach the words of Jesus. His words are never frivolous, his intentions never abstract. We should always read his words with slow, careful attitudes. Allow Jesus' words to interpret you before you try to interpret them. With that being said, I was reading Luke chapter 14 a few weeks ago and it struck me as one of the more odd passages. Starting with verse 25, Luke records Jesus' teaching on the cost of discipleship. This entry is devoted to the strange but significant language that is used throughout his teaching.

No, No, No

            After getting to know the person of Jesus Christ, it doesn’t take the Reader long to recognize that Jesus isn't always understandable and neither is he just a really nice guy. Sometimes he speaks harshly. The second half of Luke 14 is one of those harder passages. It is a calling unlike any other in all of Scripture. It is a salvation message that rarely gets repeated today in a world of niceness and feel-good messages.

Jesus, the Messiah, is walking around the countryside of Judea and turns to the large crowd that's following him and spouts out a slew of negative language that, when added together, constitutes a very positive message. These are the words of Christ: "'If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters-- yes, even his own life-- he cannot be my disciple.'" Whoa. He's not done… "'And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple'" (Luke 14:25-27). Jesus continues his seemingly backward approach by using two examples of what it looks like to count the cost of discipleship: construction and war. Throughout these two hypothetical stories, Jesus remains negative.

When speaking of the builder, he supposes that the man building who "does not sit down and estimate the cost "will not be able to finish" and will be ridiculed (v. 28-30). He explains the wrong way to construct a tower... as opposed to the right way. The optimist's perspective of building a tower is to admire and anticipate it's shelter, architectural beauty, the grand design, etcetera. But what I'm trying to say is that Jesus chose to speak from the negative, seemingly pessimistic angle of construction: the cost. He speaks of construction as destruction. Because of the context, Dear Reader, and for the sake of ease and functionality, in this entry (and the one following it) I will use destruction synonymously with construction. I hope you understand.

In his second example, he speaks, oddly enough, of war. Again, if the king "does not consider" what it will take to win the war, "he will not be able" to win and will have to discuss terms of peace (v. 31-32). There is no optimistic view of war. The mere fact that Jesus chose to use this as his example of the cost of discipleship is strange enough. Notice that he implies discussing "terms of peace" is a bad thing and being prepared to fight is a good thing.

He finishes his talk accordingly: "[A]ny of you who does not give up everything he has, he cannot be my disciple" (v.33). First, he turns to the crowd and talks about hating everything, then of the cost and destruction required in building, then of war!?!

            Strange, huh? I mean, that doesn't sound like the stereotypical, three-point "alter call" kind of sermon one might hear on a Sunday morning. It's strange… the whole idea behind his inverted salvation message is focused on the cost not the gain of being a believer. Jesus begins this lesson with a negative ("hate") and ends it with a negative ("cannot without").Why didn't Jesus speak more positively and warmly? Why couldn't he have said it like this: "To follow me you must love everyone, you must lay down everything in your life, and follow me. Count the cost of what it'll take to follow me before you enter into relationship with me. Then, you can become my disciple"? Doesn't that sound friendlier? Doesn't that have a more politically correct ring to it? It feels better going down that way, huh?

            So, why did he use such negative language? What happens when he phrases it that way? The significance of Jesus' negative language is worth examining. There is a unique power in what he's saying here.

The Theology of Negativity

           

            The life of a disciple requires as much denial as it does acceptance; it takes death and destruction before we can receive the ultimate life and creation. Look at it this way: in order for Christ to live in us, something must die. We must deny ourselves (Luke 9:23). To be "more than conquerors" there must be something that is conquered (Romans 8). To marry one woman, one must reject all other women; to chose God is to deny all other gods.

            But hate? That's a bit strong, Jesus. Did he really say that we must "hate" our family? Yes he did, but before we jump to the conclusion that he was a heretical, hypocritical lunatic, we must first investigate the context and the word's true definition. The word hate in Greek is miseó which is derived from the word misos which means "to love less." Of course Jesus wasn't suggesting that we should wish death upon our family. For that would go against God's very own decrees. Instead, he was saying that we ought to love our families and our friends and those around us less than we love God. The moment anything is cherished more than God is the very same moment that those items are cast in bronze and worshiped as an idol.

            Sports provide a picture that might help clear up this theology of negativity. An athlete must say no to certain foods in order to maintain a healthy diet all for the sake of becoming a better athlete. He must deny warm Krispy Kreme doughnuts that are dripping with sugar, he must deny a 24 ounce Dr. Pepper for brunch, he must deny Pop-Tarts in the morning, and he must deny sleeping 14 hours a night. Why? So that he may keep his body in shape. Running is not enough. It is a lifestyle of discipline. At times we must forgo comfort for Christ's sake. The very act of obedience requires the denial of other actions, right? When I was younger, my dad would ask me to mow the lawn. Sometimes reluctantly, I'd put down my action figure, or whatever I was playing with, and mow the lawn. By doing what he asked of me, I was not doing a million other actions. It is the same in our relationship with God. Meditating on His Word is choosing not to do anything else with that moment of your time. Discipline is denial.

            Reader, I pray that we'd say yes to God and no to whatever else captures our attention. I pray that you and I hunger to hate everyone else in comparison to God. I pray that we don't just listen or understand the theology of negativity, but that we practice it. Learn to say no to everyone and everything else but God. He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life and He has true living water that does not run dry. Amen.

Eat Church

           Part of my current occupation is traveling around playing drums behind Jared Anderson (www.jaredanderson.com). I lead worship with him on a somewhat regular basis. Over the course of the last two years or so, I've traveled all over the United States with him and, even as I write this, I'm in Nova Scotia, Canada. To say the least, participating in this extension of God's work is a blessing. We visit these places to minister, but we walk away with abundant blessings that exceed what seems equal wherever we go. Traveling with him reveals to me how God works. He rises and resurrects himself within us and flows into others… only to find that the same Spirit flows right back into us. It is a sort of constant flowing stream of God; it is fluid… it saturates like water… it seeps through and soaks.

            What I have to say to you today, Reader, is very simple: Open your eyes to the family of God. I feel very corny talking this way, but bear with me… I have been so blessed by the broken, awkward, sinful, and sometimes stinky family of God! Perhaps the aspect of my ministry with Anderson that has the biggest impact on me is the recognition of  the enormity of the Body of Christ. I get a unique perspective that very few people get: I get to see the larger scope of the Church at large. I get to see what God is doing in and through the lives of people all around the country. What an incredible blessing! To experience the vast reach of the Spirit and to get a glimpse of the immensity of His Bride humbles me and reveals my role, my part in this grand generational parade of Christ's. There's nothing quite like it. It is as if I'm standing in some freakishly huge auditorium with hundreds of thousands of people all singing the same song and the lyrics of which are not written down or memorized but are being fed to us intrinsically. Imagine the sound of that voice! Imagine the thunderous melody of that song! With one voice we praise you, God! Glory to You in the highest! We exalt you! I mean, imagine us singing with hundreds of thousands of people. Rex tremendae! Beautiful.

            The reason I'm telling you about this is to help you become aware of the gorgeousness of the Church. "The only place big enough for you, God," Jared often says, "is our hearts." To limit God to an organization, a denomination, or a building is blasphemous. We are Christ's body… we, a damaged, incorrigible, lying, group of sinners are redeemed by the Spirit's breath and are married into the body of Christ. We are His flesh, we are his artwork (Ephesians 2:5-6, 10). We, the Church, are likened to a physical body because we work in much of the same way. Peter Hiett, a passionate and poetic pastor at The Sanctuary Downtown in Denver, Colorado is one of my favorite teachers to listen to (www.tsdowntown.com). He paints it this way, "Every member of my body drinks blood from another member of my body. Every member of my body bleeds into another member of my body. Every member of my body feels the pain of every other member of my body, and participates in the joy of the whole thing" (from "Zombies and Vampires", 5/18/10). See, we all work together alongside our Father. Our lives as the Church commune eucharistically and align perfectly with the way Jesus spoke of his body: "This is my body given for you… this is my blood, which is poured out for you" (Luke 22:19-20). We partake of Christ's body. We ingest him as we feed each other. The beauty of that, Dear Reader, is a wonder that cannot be explained! I dare you to look at your church family in that way next time you walk through the doors on a Sunday morning.

Too often, disciples of Jesus leave from one community to the next in search of a perfect church organization. It is sought in vain. I agree with Eugene Peterson: "There is much naiveté regarding sin in Christian communities. For a people whose text for living is the Bible, a book in which 'all have sinned' (Rom. 3:23) is documented on virtually every page, this is an enormous irony." So, I implore you, Reader, to throw off all of those things that "harden your heart" (Hebrews 3:8) and to see the Church as God sees it. After all, it is his Bride. He, like any respectable husband, is jealously in love with his Bride… with flaws, blemishes, and all so that his grace may abound all the more (Romans 5:20). 

Immersion

The Weeping Willow

Jazz music has always fascinated me. My entire life has been enveloped by music, but jazz has held a special place in me. In my adolescence I never really musically understood it. Being a drummer, I couldn't seem to keep up with technicality and the pulse of it. It was strange and foreign to me… as it was to the marching band musicians of the time of it's birth. When it was first played as Ragtime in the late 19th century, it brought a third dimension to an otherwise very boxy and rudimentary genre. Jazz is the weeping willow of music. When all other trees stand tall and rigid, the willow tree is loose and expressive. It imposes a feeling. The swooping, swaying, swinging timbre of jazz ensnared me as a young musician. It was one of those styles that I simply couldn't grasp. I would avoid it for the same reasons I loved it. It was a sort of pulling and pushing relationship. Maybe that's what captured me.

            A few years ago, however, my interest in jazz pinnacled. I became obsessed with everything about it. I studied its rich history and trained myself to hear the many sides of the art. Soon, my practice time was devoted to learning about rhythmic composition, notation, jazz tunings, phrasing, traditional grip, and structure… and so on. I was determined to become a jazz drummer. I became frustrated, though, when, after all of my studying and working, jazz still made no sense to me. Yeah, I could put a sheet of music in front of me and play it as written, but it didn't sound like what I was listening to. Annoyed, I persistently played on. In one book I read about the history of jazz, the author (whose name I can't remember for the life of me) explained the reason why this generation has a harder time "feeling" it than previous ones: Simply put, we are not surrounded by it. Jazz, at it's prime (ca. 1920s-1950s) was the Top 40. It was the popular music of the day as it was played in restaurants, clubs, dances, bars, homes, and on the radio. Jazz musicians (particularly in the later years) were naturally exposed to the feeling and emotions of jazz, and, therefore, were more apt to regurgitate and reinvent the phenomenon.

With a willingness to do anything that would help me to at least "feel" jazz, I tried to put myself in the mind of the originators: I immersed myself in it. Whether or not I felt like listening to it, I would always have it playing. Sometimes I would close my eyes and pick it apart while other times I would have it playing softly in the background. No matter what, I made sure that jazz would become an extension of me. That way, I thought, when I sat down behind my kit, jazz would fall out of me. I surrendered to the music. Instead of sitting down with the intention of playing jazz drums, I allowed jazz to play me. Sure enough, my musical vocabulary began to sound something like the streets of Storyville. My playing began to swing with Armstrong's grit and Buddy Bolden's scream. My ride cymbal started singing like Nat "King" Cole. My syncopation began to jitter and tinker like Thelonius Monk. This new way of playing drastically changed my perception of being a drummer. I no longer played Rock 'n' Roll the same. Eventually, I formed the opinion that jazz is the essence of modern music. Jazz is the truest form of music. The world of jazz is a colorful and borderless place where timing is implicit and the heart is king. It began the revolution of a music that must be felt in order to be played properly. Prior to that, I would argue, feelings were not a necessary ingredient to the expression of music. I am still trying to wrap my head around jazz and I don't fear the fact that I will never fully understand it. It is not to be understood… it is to be played.

Empty Practice

            I was sitting in at home one day a few years ago frustrated with my indifference and boredom with God. I had been wrestling with complacence and endless theological criticism. At that point, I had been a Christian for something like 12 or 13 years. God was interesting to me; He was clearly faithful and consistent. I just couldn't understand Him. I read my Bible daily. I prayed to Him hourly. I would speak of Him and even stand up for His name in conversation. But something was missing. I was bored. I had so many questions and so many issues with God. How…? Why…? All of my beliefs suddenly went on trial. I sat there in the vinyl couch my neighbors had given me and contemplated. I remember saying, "I just don't feel You, God." I couldn't understand Him and, because of that, I would often run from Him. It made more sense to just avoid Him. You're great and all… thanks, but no thanks… I'll just hang out over here. See, I never outright verbally denied God. But, Reader, that's perhaps the most dangerous place to be: A robotic, boxy, rudimentary, and stiff "relationship" with God.

            I read theological books, I studied the Scriptures, I tried to do away with my perpetual sins. I tried to produce "good fruit." You could put a verse from the Bible in front of me and I'd know how to read it. You could place me in the church and I would know how to interact. You could even put me in a small group and I'd know the answers. But, I still didn't feel it. Nothing shook me up, so to speak. What was wrong with me? What was wrong with God?!? God, why don't I FEEL you? God, where are you? God, you aren't making sense… it's all mapped out… it's all charted out, but I haven't found you yet. I can't understand you!

           

The Analogy

Perhaps the most beautiful transformation in the mind of the believer is that he becomes aware that life is made up of a series of analogies. It is a God-ordained semiotic enlightenment that all things on and under the earth, on and under the sea, and in the sky point to the One True God. If someone were to take all past, present, and future circumstances, form them into tangible microorganisms, and paint them together onto a giant canvas, it would be a depiction of God's salvation plan.

            Jazz is no different.

            Jazz is yet another wonderful analogy created by God to give us a glimpse of real life… the Real Life. It is a sign of how life works at God's communion table.

Communion

            Frustrated, but knowing enough about the Christian life to know what to do, I met with one of the pastors at my church. After I had vented and explained to him all that I was tossing around in my head, he gave me his advice. Essentially, he told me that what fuels his relationship with God is immersion. He explained that our relationship with Christ (just like our relationship with other people) requires depth and not routine. His advice seemed strange to me, but it was immensely helpful. He said, (I'm paraphrasing) "Our relationship with Christ isn't about 'doing devotions.' It's not about memorizing scripture and knowing a lot about the Bible, although that is nice." He went on to explain that time with God should be spent "in the cool of the day." It is a life of devotion.

I went home and put my Bible down. (I want to be careful how I explain this, Dear Reader… don't misunderstand my point). I didn't read it for probably what ended up being a week or so. Instead, my time with God was spent eucharistically as I sat at His table each day. I needed to hear nothing… I only needed to ingest His love. I ate Him (John 6:53-58, 1 Corinthians 11:23-30). I let Him settle in me and speak through me. Those moments with God were more precious than any of the blank, mechanical minutes that I spent reading the Bible. I'm not suggesting that you, Dear Reader, go home and put your Bible down. We need the Bible. However, I do encourage you (nay, I implore you) to go home and worship Him… ingest the Word of God.

            I had to surrender to God's song and allow Him to play through me. I had to immerse myself in Him. In this world, God is not in the Top 40. We don't naturally hear His voice each day. We don't naturally know how to keep up with His pace. The more we LET GO, the more we LET GOd. A Eucharistic life requires our surrender. It requires us to fail. It requires us to relinquish control. It begs for us to stop trying to understand. We will never comprehend the vastness of our God. Soon enough, when we stop relying on math and sheet music to guide us, we will feel the rhythm of God, we will syncopate like God, we will sing God's song of salvation. His music is borderless and colorful.

            Practically, what does immersion look like on a daily basis? We must be careful not to over complicate our relationship with God. Since everything is analogous to our friendship with God (John 15:15), take a look at your relationship with your best friend… Do you strategically and methodically plan out how many minutes you should spend with him/her each day? Of course not. The delight in the friendship comes naturally. It comes in the ordinary and mundane areas of life. He is the best friend that we could ever have. I should never attempt to compartmentalize my time with God divorcing my "spiritual life" from my "everyday life." Instead, when we immerse ourselves in Him, He inhabits our lives and we become one. The wise Oswald Chambers wrote: "The love of God is un-made, it is God's nature. When we receive the Holy Spirit He unites us with God so that His love is manifested in us." Likewise, our friendship with Him cannot be made; it cannot be manipulated or planned out. Our lives are to be an extension of God's.

            As I wrote this, I began to recall the exact timeline of my jazzy epiphany… oddly enough, it happened to be right around the same time that I had my turn around with God! It's funny: I learned to let go of jazz to express it while I was learning how to let go of my life to truly live it. Both acts required immersion. Both acts resulted in oneness.The imposed, active culmination was loose and expressive… like a weeping willow.

            So, Reader, listen to His song. Listen to how He tunes His instruments. Be attentive to the pulse and pace of His work. He is greater than the Law (Luke 6:5) and He is greater than our hearts (1 John 3:20). Stop trying to play Him and let Him play you. I pray that He immerses us. 

What Is This Thing?

Preface           

Romantic Love is a deadly, deadly thing.

The arrival of this entry is a bit late. I have been tossing the idea around in my head since January. It got lost up there amidst self-provoked monologues and theological conversations. Follow me, Dear Reader, married or not, as I explore the pink, flowery, rose-covered walls of Love (I will use a capital letter to depict the truest sense). Let me be clear… I'm speaking of romantic Love… not neighborly love. And, yes, I am single… so, everything I say about Love may or may not simply be my misconception of it. Disclaimer: this entry will tell you a lot about me. If transparency was ever an issue, this will end it. With this, I may come across as a weirdo, I may come across as a "softy" or as "sensitive" or even as a "hopeless romantic." I've been labeled as all of those. But, I assure you, Reader, Love in its truest form is the hardest, strongest, and most  hopeful element in human history. So, call me what you may… Frankly, I don't really care. Love is important to me and it requires the utmost respect.

           

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I grew up in a very healthy nuclear family that was epitomized by my parents' unwavering love for each other. Love has been a strong theme throughout my life. Being able to watch my mom and dad model it has been unimaginably valuable to me. From my earliest memories of being a child pretending in the back yard or playing with G.I. Joes in the basement, I've always dreamed of fighting for The Princess. I mean, my brother and I would play Nintendo's Mario for hours… to what end? We would jump on little turtle-doves, collect coins, scream at the television screen, clench our fists with frustration and defeat endless villains (some of whom would breath fire!)… to what end? To win The Princess Toadstool. One of my favorite things to do growing up was to pretend. My brother and I (and sometimes my sister and cousins) would come up with a  plot and then we'd make-believe for hours. Pretending was no fun, though, if there was no girl for whom I was fighting. The plot made no sense to me if there was no romantic interest. There always had to be someone. My favorite movies growing up were all Disney movies. Have you ever seen a Disney movie that didn't have at least some sort of romantic undertone? Of course not. That's what drives us. Men, especially, are driven by the woman. We are all driven by the capital "L".

But, "what is this thing called love?"

For the past several years I've been enthralled with the idea of Love. As I mentioned, when I was a kid and eventually a teenager, I was innately interested in Love. But, the older I get, the more passionate I have become about finding an answer to that question, "what is this thing?" I am fascinated by books about Love. I enjoy learning about what God has to say about It and what he intended It to be. Romantic stories and commentaries on relationships always perk my attention. I research it. I observe it. Daily, I am trying to become the best husband I can be. Now, as a bachelor, is my prime time to become the husband and father that I want to be. I, as you may or may not know, am NOT what one might consider an expert in this thing called Love. In fact, I don't believe that I've ever been in Love. Honestly, I don't believe that I will ever Love someone until I marry the most unspeakably wonderful woman… my future wife. Then, and only then, will Love in it's truest, purist, most intentional form become a reality. With that being said, it's okay if you, Dear Reader, want to discard everything I have to say about It. My feelings won't be hurt.  I just think that I'm onto to something here.

My answer to Billie Holiday's gracefully gritty question, "What is This Thing Called Love?" can only come from observation and research. From what I can gather on the outside, Love seems to be a deadly, deadly thing. As I've observed relationships that "work" and ones that end in divorce, I've seen the one common denominator: Death.

 When confronted by love, we rarely understand it in a darkly manner. I believe that those men and women who share a deep, Godly love are the only ones who truly understand the meaning of it. Love is sacrifice. Love requires the death of oneself so that he may live for the good of the beloved. My parents illustrate it perfectly. My dad will always do what my mom asks of him simply because he is not living for himself (and vice-versa). They constantly out-serve each other. That is God-ordained Love. As the incredibly gifted songwriter Jared Anderson wrote, "This is life and it's Hell if you only live for yourself."

As I was thinking about the concept of perpetual servitude and selflessness for the benefit of the other, the idea of Cupid suddenly made all the sense in the world to me. Think about it: Cupid, the little naked fictional character who flies around shooting arrows into people to make them fall in love, initiates the sacrifice. Take the symbol we often use for love: a heart with an arrow through it. If someone shot an arrow through my heart, I’d die. So, that's what Cupid's doing? He's going around killing people? In a strange sort of way, yes. Love necessitates death. The husband must forgo his life and everything with it for the glory of his Love for his wife (as she does the same). The husband finds pleasure only when his wife is pleased. Her pleasure becomes his… and his becomes hers.

This death gives life. It's how the world goes 'round.

I don't often write poems, but when I thought of this concept, I felt compelled to give it another shot. It's fascinating to me to think of the idea that we so often pray for Love to come our way, but when he does, we either get scared and push Him away or we try to figure out how He works. All along, the real task is simply letting go and dancing with Him… allowing Love to kill us and make us new. In the poem, I personified Love as a tough old-time Sheriff of John Wayne stature who comes to give the bachelor what he wants: Love. But, it doesn't seem nice and frilly like we might've originally thought.  Check it out:

When Love Shows Up

January 14, 2010

Yes, you'd better tip your hat to me.

I darken your doorstep with two things.

One is clean and neat, you see,

While the other beats and stings:

I have credentials that glisten from five points

But right below it a six-shooter waits.

People come to me and beg for my presence

And when I show up, they either ask me to leave

Or fight me with their attempts to conceive.

Yes, you have every reason to fear me.

I'm earth bound and heaven-made.

Can you dare put your two feet in front of me?

Blood has been spilt so you'd get paid.

Now, get off your knees and brace yourself like a man.

I did not come to your home to watch you cower.

I came here armed with my gun and I'll use it

In conjunction with my badge and it's power.

If you want me to stay and show you, I will.

I'll change your life, but you've got to die.

           

            My point in all of this, Dear Reader, is that Love is a scary thing. We have every right in the world to fear Love because it elicits the sting of death. Solomon agreed: "… for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave" (Song of Songs 8:6). It's the reason we hear song lyrics like Coldplay's "Yellow": "For you I'd bleed myself dry", or like Cole Porter's "I Loves You Porgy": "Someday I know he's coming back… it's going to be like dying", or Bryan Adams' "Everything I Do": "I'd die for you."

            Don't misunderstand me, Reader. The same people who think that I'm a "hopeless romantic" tend to think that I live in a false reality; I need to be more realistic. Wake up, Kyle. Love isn't THAT great. It's much harder than you think. If that's what you're thinking, you're missing my point completely. What I'm trying to say in this entry is that Love is, in fact, much, much more difficult and much more realistic than what we might've ever believed. Romanticism brings a deeper crimson than rose pedals. Love, as God created it to be, is richer than the pink sugar cookies that we get on Valentine's Day. Some people say, Kyle… true love isn't the way it looks in the movies. You're right. It is infinitely more sacrificial than that.

            So, I guess my conclusion in all of this is that Love is a deadly, deadly thing… but here's the cool part: God is Love. Therefore, everything I learn about Love can be (and must be) applied to my relationship with God. He is the ultimate example of Love. I cannot comprehend how vast his Love is for us!

            So, if you're married… my advice is to die for your spouse. If your single… my advice is to learn what it means to die now so that it's easier for you when you get married.

            Love, Love, Love. It's the summation of the entire Bible (Mark 12:29-31).